Top Tips for Party Planners Part Deux, Section B: Claiming it

So, you’ve found a space or two that seems to fit the bill. Now comes the hard part: are you going to tell them what you want to do in it?

I recommend that you do. I know some party planners whose attitude is, “It is better to apologize after than ask before”. I do not agree with this philosophy. First off, if you don’t want the owner or property manager dropping by and having a coronary on the spot when they see their space decked out in St. Andrew’s crosses, you need to tell them what’s going to happen that night.

For my community – a marginalized community within a marginalized community – privacy to do what we do is pretty much a hard limit. Men ogling, security folks “passing through” and (I kid you not) cruise “staff” who just sit and watch are all of them GROSS.We fly our freak flags for each other, and the community is predicated on the freedom to fuck as we please, but that doesn’t mean we want to do it for gawkers. Unfortunately, it’s far more likely you won’t have to deal with that kind of bullshit if you disclose to your potential temporary landlord.

If you’re holding the party in your home, this is not an issue. But if you’re renting from a fellow kinkster, you will still need to state your limits up-front. Just because someone hails from the wider community does not mean they will necessarily understand that the party is absolutely invitees only. Be honest.

If you’ve found great space in the vanilla community, the disclosure bit is really important. And you know what else? The normies are going to FREAK. Not always, but well over 50% of the time. You can promise to be incredibly clean and respectful. You can come with enthusiastic recommendations from other venues you’ve used. It really doesn’t matter. The fact that what you’re planning is fully legal (in Canada anyway) and a private party and you’ve made it clear you don’t need their help makes no difference.

Prepare for the freakout. Prepare to be rejected. Prepare to be told, “We’re a *family* venue”. That last one’s my favourite. The implication that we don’t have families, that we live in the seedy underbelly of Respectable Society, that we eat our young, it stings. Stings me, anyway.

Venue hunts can be exhausting emotional work. Be ready.

Hopefully one of your venues has not recoiled in horror after the disclosure. Sign the rental agreement. Give em a deposit. Then you can really start planning.

Here’s the previous post from this series!

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Tags: community, kink, parties, sex